Saturday, December 29, 2007

Fireworks, poop, and farmer Hans' house

Sorry I haven't posted in a while.

Since it's impossible to write about everything I've been up to, I'll tell what I did today. I brought skyrockets! Not sure where I'm gona fire them since the farmer next door tried to kill me last year. Back then my brother thought it would be cool to shoot one across the field, so I did, and it went through Hans' window while he was on the toilet. The Shit hit the fan, like what my big brother says, because next thing I heard was "Tut... tut... tut-tut-tut-tut", and their were no pyraminds around, which was a bad sign. Hans all of a sudden rode his tractor across the field yelling "Shiza! Shiza!" as he chased us, but his tractor died before he could plow us, and my big brother pulled him out of it, but let Hans go since he smelled like poop, and he ran back home. The next day we found out from Hans' wife about how he was doing number 2 when our number 3 rocket flew in, which made him drop on all 4's, shooting poop everywhere since he had diarrhea, which explains the flames shooting out the window. When I heard this I felt so bad, I brought him a stein, which he used right away, on the back of my head. This new years I'm buying him nothing!

Anyway, I hope you all have a Happy New Year! And if you're thinking about shooting skyrockets, aim up.

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Sunday, July 29, 2007

Thinking about collecting Social Security

For months now I haven't found my first job yet! My last interview at a construction company called Manfreds didn't go to well. I should have ducked before walking through his office doorway, but thought I was clear. Now I know why they wear hard hats, because that hurt!

My big brother then told me to go collect my Social Security. So I went to my room and pulled out my card and said "Now What?" so he said "This," and smacked me on the head, so I put my card back. My big brother then said "I didn't mean that, George", but my name is not George, but I didn't tell him. He then said "You know where grandma's clothes is?" so I said "yeah, on her back," so he said "well take them and put them on, then go to the MP station to collect your Social Security," which sounded kinda crazy, because I would never strip her, so I went to her bedroom dresser and grabbed some clothes while she was in her temporary coma.

So tomorrow I'm going to the MP station dressed like grandma to collect my social security since he said that's the only way they would take care of me at their annual costume party, just wonder who's patroling the streets?

Chocolate Rain by Tay Zonday on YouTube

Have you ever thought about writing and singing a song called Chocolate Rain? Well Tay Zonday beat you to it! Better luck next time!

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Saturday, July 28, 2007

Like Beyonce, I fell on my face!

For the last few weeks it's been great with our street hockey team, not once did I get hit by a car, just my brothers hand off the top of my head after hitting him in the face with the puck, so we lost! Gota remember that move the next time I'm goalie.

Anyway, I fell down a flight of stairs like Beyonce, and I wasn't singing, but I did bang my head at the bottom. I'm not sure if she was distracted like I was when I failed my drivers test, just hope she didn't loose any teeth!

Beyonce is still one of my favorite R&B singers, even if she doesn't sing live. She's just saving her energy for the next time she falls head first, could you blame her? Would you continue lip synching after falling like Beyonce did in this video? Looks like she's trying to shake it off when she got up, just surprise her head didn't come off!

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Monday, June 25, 2007

Last week at Venice Italy

All last week I was on vacation at Venice Italy, the sister city to Atlantis. I can't tell you the hotel where me and my big brother stayed at with his wife Nadia and my friend Alice, because if I do my big brother promises to give me a newgy to my head that he will drill straight to China, but I'm not afraid, because that's not possible! He'll only reach my brain.

Venice was beautiful and deadly. Every morning when I went out to get my big brothers paper, which he can't read for some reason, I flood the lobby when I open the front door to the hotel, and the rushing water always pushes me down to the basement, which is also flooded like an indoor swimming pool full of wine bottles, but they're full so you can't put any messages in them for help, but if you did find an empty one, who's gona read it? Rats?

Anyway, the sights were great! Almost everyday we were at St Mark's Square, known to Italians as Piazza San Marco. It's a big square, and I don't mean a drawing. Hundreds of tourists can be seen there from all over the world, mostly taking pictures of all the historic buildings, that's if they're not running from the pigeons that are trying to poop on their heads because they didn't feed them.

At St Mark's Square I saw St Mark's Basilica, a cathedral, Doge's Palace, a palace which hasn't had a Doge (Leader) or a real dog since 1797, St Mark's Campanile, a rebuilt bell tower that collapsed in 1902, probably because of all the fat pigeons living in it and dogs that wasn't allowed in Doges Palace, and saw St Mark's Clocktower.

The Gondolas were really cool to ride, sitting down. If you need to stand up to take a picture, make sure the oarsman (Gondolier) is not rowing the Gondola under a bridge, or you will be swimming in the water with a big bump on your head which wont feel to good, as I know! Luckly for me the bridge was high enough that it didn't smash my face, just my forehead, so my big brother calls me egghead, but I think I look more like a potato.

On the third day swimming in the basement by the wine bottles, I made friends with a fish that I named bubbly. Bubbly was always down there waiting for me to get washed down the stairs with the morning newspaper, but he didn't read it. Last Friday after we pumped out the basement, I released bubbly into the canal outside the hotel, and I thought I would never see him again, but I did, on my plate at a restaurant called Antico Martini. This restaurant creates meals to satisfy all requests, just didn't think they would serve me my new friend fried, because I didn't request it! I ordered fish!

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Wednesday, May 23, 2007

I miss you, Duckie!

It's been over a month since you passed away, and it still hurts! I'm not talking about when you bit my finger the day before you left, I'm talking about my head! When I saw you lying there staring like you saw a ghost, I knew something was wrong because our house wasn't haunted! Your kids Rocky 3 and Rocky 4 were sniffing you like you made a fart, but I know you didn't, but if you did, I wouldn't be standing by your cage, because it stinks!

Anyway, when I saw you wasn't moving, I jumped and hit my head on the ceiling, and called 911, but it didn't work, because I forgot I'm in Germany. My mom then asked me what was wrong, so I told her that you wasn't moving, so she said "Is he dead?", which made me scream, because I was hoping you was just having a hard time going to the toilet.

Your funeral was beautiful! We buried you in a Suzi-Q box, with a Suzi-Q, and some flowers my little sister picked. My mom was also at your funeral, and Alice and Nadia, but my big brother couldn't make it because of his fear of beaver faces, but Alice didn't make any, which was good. My dad was at work at the time, but when he came home he said "Happy trails" and poured you a beer on your grave. Since when do you drink?

I hope you're smiling down at me from up there in heaven, and you're happy. I miss you Duckie!

May 24 - Duckie, I haven't been on YouTube in over 2 months, but I went there to watch the old video I made to cheer myself up and noticed 17,951 people watched it! It makes me feel good, but I still miss you!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Yahoo unlimited storage and Gmail

I've been using Yahoo for a long time, but I've also been using Google Gmail for almost two years, and they both have been great. What I'm wondering since me and my family are moving again in a few days, and Yahoo is offering unlimited storage, is if they have enough room to store some of our belongings with them?

My big brother told me about Yahoo's upgrade. They brought themselves a whole bunch of warehouses, and one of them is down the street called CIF, which normaly issues out Army uniforms, so maybe I'll be able to get a pair of boots while I'm there, which would be so cool!

Tomorrow my big brother is gona drop me off at CIF with all my stuff, and said he'll pick me up when the cows come home, but we don't live near a farm, so I don't know what he's talking about. Anyway, it might be a few days before I can blog again until the move is done, but if I can I'll try to make it to an internet cafe and let you know if I was issued Matterhorns, or regular Army issue boots. Just hope they have size 16!

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